To the person who broke into my car:

Hey Asshole,

Thanks a lot for breaking my window.  What a great way to start the week!

The least you could have done is actually take something.  You’d be doing me a favour seeing as I need to clean out the car.  What, the scraggly old sweater in the back wasn’t good enough for you?  How about the broken fan in the boot?  No?  The two year old bottle of Advil with said Advil melted in a big brown lump not potent enough?  Jeez thieves are picky these days.

So now I’m out $450.  Not that I needed it for my mortgage or anything.  Plus the seat is soaked because it rained all night, so that’s an added bonus.

Word to the wise, thief: breaking into the crappiest car on the street won’t get you enough money to buy those drugs you so desperately need.  Why not go for the Mercedes parked behind me?  Or how about the BMW parked in front of me?  If I can’t afford a nice car, I probably can’t afford nice things to leave in it.  So you should have at least taken the Advil because those are the only drugs you’ll score as a result of breaking into my car.

(Un)sincerely,

-slosydney

Update: They did take something! The spare deodorant I keep in the glovebox.  So somewhere in Sydney is a thief that is presumably less stinky than they were the day before.

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2 responses to “To the person who broke into my car:

  1. Wow!!!!! My friend has a car like your’s, where if someone broke into it, we’d hope they’d take stuff, less crap for her to clean out of it!!! She thinks she may have the cure to cancer under everything, but she doesn’t clean it out! I don’t know that any car could be as bad, but sorry to hear your car was broken into, it sucks to have to spend $450 on it! Anyhoo, just wandering around wordpress, came across your post, hope your week goes better!

  2. Ha! To be fair, it’s not THAT bad. My sister’s car on the other hand….

    My dad called it the Foster Farms Chicken Car. It looked like this but with less Mexicans and more Diet Pepsi cans.

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