Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad. Have you ever felt so upset that you feel like vomiting? That’s me right now.
I should be happy. My parents are visiting from the US this month, we’re having an engagement party in two days, I have a loving fiance and the greatest dogs in the world. Sometimes I can’t believe just how lucky I am.
So why am I crying so much that I can barely see what I’m typing? Well, my parents decided to tell me today that they don’t like my future husband. Then proceeded to list everything they think is wrong with him. They think he’s immature because he plays video games and likes sports, irresponsible because he doesn’t own property or have a stock portfolio, irreverent because he doesn’t kiss their asses 24/7, and unrefined because he doesn’t act like a rich 50 year old. From what they told me, they don’t seem to think he has any redeeming qualities.
They don’t like his family even though his family has been so generous and friendly. His family welcomed me from the start with open arms and over the years I have become closer to them than my own family. My parents look down their noses at them and treat them like crap.
Who would they want me to marry? Probably an ambitious lawyer with a masters degree or two. His wardrobe would be made up of Ralph Lauren polos, khakis, and boat shoes. He would earn enough money at his boring job, but wouldn’t work too hard because of course he would have to have enough time to spend with me. He wouldn’t play sports or video games, but would instead spend his free time sailing. He would be my servant/secure financial future. Sorry, but that is not my idea of the perfect man. I don’t want to marry a robot/ATM machine.
Nothing is ever good enough for my parents. As the oldest I’m not allowed to fail. Everything I do has to be perfect and for the most part it is. I got great grades in high school and college, found a good job doing pretty much exactly what my dad did, I stay thin (which I think my mom thinks is the most important thing in life), own property, am working on a masters degree and I’m a generally pleasant person. By my parents’ definition I am successful and I’ve worked my ass off to meet their strict standards. Does it matter that I find my job boring, lack motivation and have no idea what I want to do with my future career? No because I’m making good money and that’s is apparently all that matters.
Since I moved to Australia I’ve been free. Free to make my own decisions. Free to do what makes me happy. I’ve found happiness in being able to make my own decisions without being judged but that sure doesn’t make my parents happy.
All parents want the best for their kids. But sometimes they don’t realize that what they want for their kids isn’t necessarily what their kids want for themselves. I’m happy and my fiance has a lot to do with that. We’re a great team and I love him with all my heart. Is it too much to ask for my family to accept that?